Monday, 20 August 2007

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  .:: WiThDrAwAl ::.

  The thought of knowing that somebody somewhere actually is in love with us, be it friends, families our spouse is truly a blessing. Every morning, most of us wake up knowing such truth could just makes life worth living for another day. I have mostly, not all... lived a life clueless if anybody out there actually loves me and I truly thank God for that, which I felt most of my readers here would have felt the same, I hope. Most of us do no live nor grew up in war-torn or violent-weary environment. Even that, I thank God that we aren't. I thank God for my parents, even if we did end our conversation with an unsettled argument, I know and believe that they love me. I thank God for faithful friends whom I have shared my life with that they still care even when I haven't been the greatest friends in their lives. I thank God that He is the anchor that I can still hold on to, when I lost my way sometimes.
  
  Having said that, lately..I have been struggling. There's somehow two person inside me. Striving against each other, trying to find a conclusion.
  
  One of them are jumping with joy, getting all excited, happy, jumpy, somersaulting and break-dancing knowing the fact that I'll be going back home, but there's also another little fella sitting down there thinking over his worries and problems when he gets back.
  
  

  
  

  
  It's weird, but it's the best illustration I could portray.
  
  I guess I'm just all excited but yet anxious over the thought that I might have to adapt to the lifestyle back in Malaysia. Don't get me wrong, I'm not British-fied since I came here, but the truth is, I haven't been back for so long. Of course, I've lived most of my life in Malaysia and only a small part of it was spent here.
  One of the most scary thought so far is about meeting up with friends. I am not the best person who knows how to keep in touch, in spite of the all most capable form of communication tools at hands, yet, keeping in touch has never been a skill I have acquired all these years.
  
  I know friends must've changed. Hey, change is good. I'm not saying I don't like seeing friends change for good...in fact, if my friends are still the same...I'd find it REALLY WEIRD. After all, we're all a bunch of growing creatures, right?
  
  Really, I don't know what to expect. Friend's that I've never talked for so long, I wonder if there's even a conversation to start with. For some, I don't even know where to start. It's a scary thought really. On another hand, I don't even know what and where to start with.....
  
  Somehow, deep inside, I know these are silly thoughts, but I believe we're all entitled to be silly at times. I truly believe we all do.
  
  I can't wait to meet some of them while others, I'm even doubting whether or not to even give a call. It's one of the weirdest thing...........
  
  Meanwhile, what about friends here? I don't know what to say really. Perhaps, I'm also feeling a little sense of withdrawal of myself from people around here. It's the thought of not wanting to get too involved, too attached. Are there such things called 'symptoms of withdrawal'? Is there a cure?
  
  I'm silly, I know. This is the SILLIEST entry I've ever posted. I hate feeling awkward and weird.
  
  I need some therapy....CHOCOLATE and Kettle crisps might help....
  
  

  
  
  
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